Happy moments together always stir something deep within me. These times of togetherness are few and far between as the complexities of Isaac’s schedule, differing interests, food aversions, and sensory sensitivities make even the most simple familial moments hard to come by. Autism has caused division in our family. When the full family is present, often Brian or I tend to Isaac’s needs and supervision while the other of us navigate care and interaction with our other 3 boys. When Brian is at work or tending to other responsibilities that take him away from home, I feel like a ping pong ball bouncing from managing Isaac’s many pressing needs while trying to be fully present, aware, and engaged in my neurotypical children’s care. It is often incredibly stressful for me to be in an enclosed space with all of my children at the same time because I am unsure as to what Isaac’s reaction will be to the noise level and unpredictable interactions between his boisterous brothers.
All that to say, moments of happy togetherness are hard to come by for us. When they do happen, I turn on all my senses and savor every second. These treasured glimpses of the kind of close and easy relationships I know we will someday enjoy give me hope.
We had one such moment on Memorial Day. Isaac loves splash pads, and all the splash pads were opening on Memorial Day. I took Isaac in our gray van while Brian loaded up our other boys in the car to stop at Subway for footlongs. Isaac and I arrived at the splash pad first and I asked him if he wanted to wait for his brothers. He said “Brothers. Yes.” This made me happy, and a bit relieved because the splash pad was bursting with children gleefully swarming over the wet pavement. I wasn’t sure how Isaac would handle the noise and chaos of the current crowd and I thought maybe in the time it took for his brothers and dad to arrive, the mayhem might somewhat subside. It did. Thankfully.
It always takes Isaac a moment to warm up to the water. First I had him put his foot over a stream of water to stop the flow. He liked that, and started smiling. We put our hands in the stream, and then kicked the water. He started flicking his fingers in delight and he bounced his body in anticipation. I had brought a plastic pitcher and filled it up asking him if he wanted me to pour it on his legs. He smiled and I poured. And then he was ready. He bounded onto the splash pad, jumping and giggling in his now deep voice. He pretended to play the piano in the steady stream of water exiting a cement frog’s mouth, his fingers flying. He put his head under a forceful rush of water exiting the center of a large cement flower while repeatedly jumping into the cold blast. “EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!” I love to see Isaac so happy.
It was touching to me to watch his younger three brothers watching him. They are keenly aware of their older brother and want to take care of him. They deeply desire interaction and look for moments where Isaac is available for connection. Each of his brothers independently found their moments. Levi was first. He came over to Isaac and said “Isaac, look!” He had found that when he plugged the holes on the side of a large lime and yellow snail, the pressure to the water streaming from the snail’s mouth would substantially increase making the water shoot several feet. Isaac liked that. They had a sweet moment together. A few minutes passed, and Jonny came over to Isaac with the pitcher I had brought. He filled it up and said “Isaac, want to dump this on my head?!” A little smile lighted in Isaac’s eyes and he grabbed the pitcher gleefully dumping it onto his brothers head. Jonny gasped and giggled and Isaac grinned. Kai watched Isaac jumping up and down and noticed his swimming trunks were not tight enough to stay fully up. He made sure that I went and took care of that for him so Isaac wouldn’t be embarrassed. He had his eye on his older brother and his desire to care for him touched my heart.
Family time. Interaction. Love. I am so grateful for the goodness of each of my children and for the moments we can share together. These little moments glow brightly in my mind and have a sustaining influence on me.
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